So, here's the thing! I've been neglecting you! I know, call me Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, Prince of Darkness if it makes you feel better - I'm lower than a snake's belly. But... I have a good reason. Remember, a week ago, I had a communique from a publisher who wanted to publish three of my crime novels? What do you mean, you never knew? Pah! Well, that's what happened, and I gave them short shrift, impaled them on the sharp end of my wit, said: "Hey Bozo, they're already published and doing very nicely, thank you muchly!" They sent me another communique, a dispatch, a request. I know, you're thinking it's a ploy, a gambit, a ruse to wheedle their way into my good books! Well, maybe it is, and time will tell if you're right, my friend.
Anyway, call me a fool, a buffoon, a simpleton, but they wanted to know if I'd write a short story for a magazine they were going to publish for the Kindle. Hey, I was flattered, buttered-up, and soft-soaped, and... I had the bones of a story I'd begun writing about six months ago, but they had to have it by next Friday if I wanted my story in the inaugural edition (the first one)... say what! Well, of course I did, so that's why I've been neglecting you. I also re-read their original communique and decided to give their offer a go (a royalty split because isn't that what most publishers do?). Uh oh! No, put that chair down, stop shouting, and listen...? I didn't give them all three of my crime novels, I said take one and let's see how it goes, and nothing's set in concrete anyway because I've sent them the first three chapters. Once they've read my offering they might say, "Yeah, we liked the premise, but you write like an Orangutan," - No offence to monkeys intended! So, let's see how the cookie crumbles shall we.
So, I've been writing this short story about a son honouring his father's dying wish to find the killer of five girls, and his subsequent descent into obsession. Yep, that's all I'm going to tell you. Now, if it gets accepted and published in this magazine on the Kindling machine, well you'll just have to buy it to read it. If, however, the same primate that wrote my books is also writing my short story, then I'll publish it on here and won't you be a lucky little anthropoid!
The above is a little bit of success - not on the scale of Joe Konrath, John Locke, Amanda Hocking, and other bookish celebrities, but in this corner of the universe I consider it pretty good for someone who left school at fifteen with no qualifications (success is therefore relative). Now, obviously this minor success didn't come out of the blue - oh indeedy no! It came after thirteen weeks of my books being bought by you wonderful readers, which is the real success. I mean, who would have thought that 1) I could string some words together to form sentences, paragraphs... whole chapters for goodness sake (the very idea would have been laughed at in that dark hellhole of Broadway Secondary Modern School in 1965), and then 2) crochet it all together to form a coherent book that people are 2a) buying, and 2b) enjoying. The world is full of minor miracles!
So, my crime novels wouldn't have been noticed by these publisher-type people unless you reader-type people weren't buying my books - so thank you very much for your kindheartedness! Now, as for buying my books, I should tell you that this month (as of 1100 hours GMT on 24th June) you've bought 914 of them (which includes 39 in the US and 3 in Germany). In total, worldwide (how spooky is that?) 1,566 of my books have been bought in 13 weeks. Now, as I said earlier, I'm not on the list of Kindle millionnaires, but to my mind selling that amount of books in that amount of time is a heartwarming success deserving of chocolate in all its forms, shapes, sizes, and glory - mmmm!
Now, I should tell you, because you might not have noticed, that with the amount of books you've bought A Life for a Life is No.5 in Police Procedurals (#257 Paid in Kindle Store), The Wages of Sin is No.8 (#663), Jacob's Ladder is No.17 (#1,247), The Graves at Angel Brook is No.31 (#2,320), Solomon's Key is No.35 (#2,572), and Body 13 is No.37 (#2,802) - talk about hogging the charts! Hey, and don't think I'm ungrateful, but I do have some other books, you know (see right column for all 11 of them!) Now, one I'd particularly like to mention is Orc Quest: Prophecy - Yes, I know its a fantasy, but don't forget that I wrote it, so its gonna be good, and I have a fabulous sense of humour, which really shines through in this book. Also, its got its own website that I'm still working on, but there's some stuff there like a map of Garagol. If you don't like the book, I'll stop writing altogether and take up knitting - now I can't say fairer than that, can I! Have a good one...
Hi, I'm Tim Ellis - I write a lot and I hope you enjoy what I write.