So, here's the thing! Apparently, I can use while but not whilst. What's the world coming to? I love using the word whilst, but some guttersnipe in an office somewhere now says that it's considered pretentious and archaic. Pretentious! A snobby upper class word. What's wrong with a bit of snobbery whilst I drink my lemon tea and eat my cream scones? And archaic! What type of word is that? Is it like old, ancient, or obsolete? Just like me I suppose - shunting into the terminus, reaching the end of the line. That's what they're really saying isn't it? We don't need you old codgers speaking and writing old words anymore, we've got new words now that we'd like you to use such as naff, pants, jargonaut, frenemy, and meh - Init! My personal view is that denying people the use of whilst is an indication that the end of the world is nigh!
And here's another thing! I've noticed that people's blogs are pretty serious and mine aren't. I was reading one yesterday, which suggested that the old slush pile - the one where my manuscripts (yeah all right - yours as well) languished for many a day whilst (he he) I waited with my comfort chocolate, intravenous coffee, sweaty wringing hands, and high expectations for a word of encouragement, a phone call to say, "We'd like to represent you and your marvellous book," or an email along the same lines - all to no avail - is now the Kindle Store. If that's true, and you can see the logic of his argument, yesterday A Life for a Life rose to (or should that be dropped to?) 727 (the highest yet) in the paid Kindle Store, but I keep doing that - rising then slipping back down again. It reminds me of that bushtucker trial called Celebrity Cyclone on 'I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here!' They have to move up this slippery slope, but there are people with water canons trying to stop them - damn those people! Or, a more apt analogy might be a greasy pole!
So, I think we can safely conclude that I'm never (oh all right, you as well) going to get to the top of the slush pile when there are people with water canons all around and nothing else better to do than aim the water jets at all us honest hard-working authors trying to make a buck in the nasty old self-publishing world.
Maybe, I should make my blog more serious! What do you think? Maybe, I should do some research, report on the state of play of erotica, chicklit, sub-genres, the evolution and lifespan of the Kindle, the Apple iPod and why I can't get onto the site to peek at my books and whether I've had any reviews from my wonderful Apple readers! I suppose there must be a way, but I haven't found it yet! Mmmm, I use the exclamation mark a lot in my blogs! Are there rules? I remember reading that overuse dilutes its effect. Oh well, I feel a bit diluted myself as I slither down that greasy pole again.
Don't think I've forgotten, you know! I haven't forgotten. I know I'm old and crotchety, my eyesight and hearing have deteriorated to the point of old agery (he he, there's no spell check on this blog, so I can spell words any way I like!), and my body is that of a ten year-old corpse (having been kept in the freezer). Yes, I distinctly recall promising you wonderful blog readers that I'd continue documenting my writing day. Unfortunately, I've got to go for my shower now, then I have to walk my five shitzhu dogs, go to the post office to post a parcel to my ungrateful son who lives in the dark region of Alton, then go to the supermarket to get essential foodstuff, come back and have some lunch whilst watching Stargate Universe, have a siesta, and then I should be able to tell you something interesting about writing, or maybe I won't! Yes, I know this is all boring stuff, but you said you wanted to know. And... if the wife reads this she'll see that I've not been sat on my backside all day blogging and stuff. I was going to cut the grass, but its started raining so I'll just have to blog and stuff - sorry dear, maybe tomorrow.
There's a picture of the wife. I took that in 1987 using a Yashika SLR camera and developed it myself. We were in Chepstow in South Wales and I was a Corporal at the Royal Engineers Apprentice College in the Medical Reception Station (MRS). I also used to run a photography club for the apprentices. I know, you're thinking, "Is there nothing this man can't do?" Can't windsurf! Tried it in St Petersburg in Florida with my son - nearly drowned! That was the same holiday I got stung on the bottom of the foot by a Stingray. Pain! That was pain. I thought I was going to die twice! Had to sit in the hotel room with my foot in a bucket of hot soapy water! Anyway, I'm sure you're all eager to read this... I just remembered - one of my millions of readers suggested that I put all these blogs in an ebook and publish it for the Kindle - What do you think? Do you think I should, hey hey?
Hi, I'm Tim Ellis - I write a lot and I hope you enjoy what I write.