So, here's the thing! I'm getting tardy, Toady! I know, you're thinking, "Not you, Master?" but I'm afraid it's so. I've been lax, flaccid, and sloppy. One thousand words plus a day has been my mantra, my watchword, my shibboleth. I pride myself in being a shining light of military discipline - up at 5 a.m., write 1,000 words a day, finish a 90,000-word book in 3 months, edit it in the 4th month, and publish - Simples!
You're thinking, "My Master is the epitome of military discipline, and his books are so damned good." And you'd be right, Toady. But, as I said earlier in this despatch, my military discipline seems to have deserted me. Oh yes, I'm still getting up at 5 a.m., but you know what - I stray! Call me a weak-willed, lily-livered, good-for-nothing - it's true, I get sidetracked, averted, redirected onto branch lines, B-roads, and beaten tracks. I mean, here I am writing a blog and I still haven't finished my 1,000 words - how spineless is that? I'm a jellyfish! Here, take this branch and flagellate (and no, that's not another word for spank) me, Toady!
It all started with an email saying I'd got a new follower, I clicked on it and signed in to Twitter to follow this lovely romantic person from the back-of-beyond in Yorkshire, then I looked at my new followers, made a list to thank them, and followed some back. Yeah, and so it goes on... It trickled round to 8 o'clock and I made a note of my daily sales, transferred the total to my spreadsheet - , Remember, being an obsessive compulsive type of person I like to keep itemised lists, tallys, and inventories showing rows and rows of lovely figures from which fantabulous charts and mind-boggling statistics can be... Anyway, I found I'd sold some of my books after 8 o'clock - I don't know, maybe Amazon save a couple to make you feel good at the start of the day! Well, I feel good, but not very disciplined - makes note to self to stop shilly-shallying around and get back to writing. So, I checked where my books were in the lists - Those lists are beautiful, but I think they're driving me crazy!
So, the wife's here looking up her old cronies on Facebook. It all started because I got a skip delivered. I know, make yourself comfortable. Well, I cleared out the garage, and remember I told you I used to be into photography in a big way? Yeah, so I found all my black and white photographs and threw them away. I kept that one above - I know, not exactly Ansell Adams, but still... Next, we were on our way out to womble round town when my better half said, "Hey up, what's these photos doing in the skip?" (She doesn't really talk like that, but its my blog!) So, she starts to riffle through them checking there's none of her naked - Hey, I was doing life photography, which meant I had to take lots of photographs of the wife naked - and we were young! Haven't you ever been young, Toady? I guess not!
Whilst (or while) I've been writing this in fits and starts like a tired old runner, I also reached my 1,000 words target on The Flesh is Weak. I know, you want me to throw a party, get the balloons and beers out... Sorry, I need to lie down now, but tomorrow's another day so they tell me. I'm going to be more disciplined in the future though. I'm gonna write my 1,000 words and not get distracted by other thi... Sorry, I got an email, which turned into a conversation on Facebook, and then the garage repair man came, and whilst I was talking to him the dogs started barking to go out, but I couldn't remember where I'd put my keys, and... What was I talking about?
Anyway, more discipline - 1000+ words a day! I'm on 41,000 words now, which leaves 49,000 words, or 49 days. It's the 4th July today (wasn't there something specific about that date? Mmmm, nothing springs to mind), so if I wrote exactly 1,000 words every day I would achieve 90,000 words on 22nd August, but once I'm on the downhill slope I can churn out more than 1,000 words, so I'll aim to finish the book on or very near 31st July. Hey, we have a plan. Will it work? Let's see if I can get to 50,000 words by Friday - if I can I think you'll be able to put the plan in front of the President for his approval!
Hi, I'm Tim Ellis - I write a lot and I hope you enjoy what I write.