So, here's the thing! Let's talk about 'Entry and Exit Strategies'. No, I'm not talking about inserting a team (led by Arnold Schwarzenegger) into a fire zone to fight nuclear-powered aliens, I want to waffle for a while about entry and exit strategies into and out of fictional scenes. Your book has a beginning and an end - you get in, do the business, and get out - simples! In-between, you have any number of scenes (or Chapters for those who don't work in scenes). Well, there's been talk recently about first lines of novels. Here's the 100 Best First Lines of Novels. Now, I don't know about you, but some of those first lines do nothing for me. A first line is meant to make you want to carry on reading, not put the book in a dark corner and cover it over with wood for the fire. I know, sometimes I can be a phillystine! But, life's too short to read books that make your head hurt. Also, here's Stephen King talking about opening sentences So, let me talk about scenes, because books are built on scenes. Usually, I write between 1 - 5 scenes per chapter of a crime novel. Sometimes, it's difficult starting a scene, but I think that the first line of a scene is just as important as the first line of a book. You're opening and closing doors as you move through the book from the beginning to the end. You lead the reader into the scene, make them part of what's happening, and get the hell out. Getting out and into the next scene is important as well - the transition! They don't want to leave. They want to tarry a while. 'Please don't make me leave.' You pull them by the hand. They grip the door frame with bleeding fingers. 'I won't go.' 'You have to, my child. It's time. We still have many scenes to go.' 'Will they be as good as this one?' 'They'll be as good.' 'You promise?' 'I promise.' You've made a promise, and you have to keep that promise. It's not about word counts, or filling quotas. It's about a story within a story. I'm sure there are people out there who remember the ZX Spectrum or the Commodore 64. The first gaming computers that worked from cassette tapes or floppy discs - the good old days. I used to buy adventure games where you could go from room to room and level to level. Yes, I know, there are games like that - a million times better - for the PS4 etc., but these were new - some based on Dungeons and Dragons - where you had to solve clues, riddles, collect lives, fight monsters etc., until you found the treasure, saved the damsel in distress or the world. Each room was a self-contained environment where you had to work out how to get in and get out.
Scenes are much the same. The reader should step into a scene as if they're climbing into the hollowed-out canoe on the Wet 'N Wild ride. They want to be scared stupid, and when they reached the bottom they wonder how they got there and . . . 'Please, can we go again?' The exit strategy is just as important. The scene has ended, but the story isn't finished yet. They want to turn the page, but it's two in the morning and they have work . . . 'I'll have a duvet day.' 'You had one of those yesterday.' 'I don't care. I have to read just one more page.'
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So, here's the thing! I have a new book out! Yes, that's it on the left - or the right if you're reading this over your shoulder. Well, when I say new - I mean nearly new - does that count? When does "new" run out? When is it considered "old"? Is there a stipulated period of time? Are there statutes that . . . ? Old people don't half ramble on about nothing in particular! So listen! Come closer! I'm thinking of revamping my covers. Is that exciting, or what? Now, I have over 30 books, so you can imagine I'm not going to commission people who charge £000,000's for one cover, so I've been thinking - and I don't know if this is a good idea or not, so I don't want anybody to get offended by my idea - that there might be art student(s) out there who would like their artwork all over the internet . . . terms to be agreed! Now, it wouldn't be too shabby to say that the majority of my books are available in print and ebook format across the majority of online book retailers and usually become bestsellers on Amazon during the first month of publication, so we're not talking about a kid living in a cardboard box under the railway arches here! Anyway, I usually do my own covers (don't say those horrible things under your breath), and here's one I made earlier: Here's the plan: The above is an early prototype of a cover for my next book (Parish & Richards 12: 'Silent in the Grave', which is due out around mid-March 2014. Anybody who's interested registers said interest below and designs a cover - Closing date: 28 February i.e. the end of this month for the hard of hearing. You send me a copy of the image, I take a look, if I decide to use it we'll discuss terms and conditions. If I don't decide to use an image, I'll respond with thanks within a week (as long as there's not a million responses) in which case I'll just delete the images. And I promise not to use anybody's work without their permission. Have I forgotten anything? If anybody wants to ask me a question here and there - feel free, but remember - I prefer writing to answering dumb questions. Not only that, I'd like people generally to know that I'm a nice guy - most of the time! Also, I've put the first nine Parish & Richards books into three trilogies, which are obviously cheaper than buying them individually, changed the names (previously 'Congeries of the Dead', which seemed like a good idea at the time), and revamped the covers.
So, that's it. Hope to hear from you! So, here's the thing! It's been a while. What can I say? I've been busy - you know - writing 'n all. I wrote and published a novella. Yeah, that's it on the right. It's set in Manchester - hey, that's where I'm from, so I thought I'd go back to my roots and create a new hero - Josiah Dark. Also, I started writing Quigg 6 'The Enigma of Apocalypse Heights'. Now, this is where it gets complicated because I made that into a novella and called it Quigg 7. Why? I hear you ask. Well, it started to meander into the realms of fantasy, but all is not lost. Quigg 6 is now 'The Haunting of Bleeding Heart Yard' (see below), and I've added Quigg 7 to the end of Quigg 6 as a bonus novella. Hey, I know! Call me Santa's little helper! There's a problem though! Here we go, I hear you say. No, listen! Quigg 6 won't be ready until the first week of the New Year - call it a belated Christmas present. It'll be worth it though. It had better be, I hear you say. Trust me. Quigg aficionados will be suitably impressed that Quigg's back in the groove - so to speak. Now, what's the festive season without four dogs? I know, call me an old softie! Here's their toy box - don't ask! And there's one of the four - Coco trying to find just the right one! The week before, another dog - Daisy, wasn't eating and showing other symptoms of not being well, so we took her down the vets. We had to leave her there to have her uterus removed (she's ten years old) because it had become infected. You'll be pleased to hear that she's fine now, and back at home with us for Christmas. It's a real place, you know! I went up to London a couple of weeks ago to take a look - there's not much to it though. A few cobbles, a restaurant, some offices and a couple of cars. It does have a history and you can read about it here! and that was the trigger for the book. You know Quigg! He likes to get himself and his partner - Tallie Kline - into the worst situations possible, and this book is no different! As an aside, I wrote a preface! I know, you're wondering who would want me to write them a preface? Matt Posner - that's who. He's written a few books about magic, vampires and the like - especially a series called School of Ages. But I didn't write a preface for any of them - oh no! I wrote it for How To Write Dialogue because I think we can agree - or maybe we can't - that my dialogue isn't too shoddy. So, there we are! Have a fantabulous Christmas and a New Year full of love and joy . . . and hey - be careful out there (for those who remember Hill Street Blues). So, here's the thing! Do you remember what's his name - Max Bygraves? His catchphrase was, "I wanna tell you a story". Oh! Before I forget, I've got a new story out: A Lamb to the Slaughter (Parish & Richards 11), and for those who are still interested after the long and tortuous journey - the truth is out about Parish's beginnings. I was at a family get together the other night, and I was asked, "How do you do it?" I asked the lady in question to elaborate before I made a fool of myself. "How do you write all these stories?" she said. "Where do you get your ideas from?" They're good questions, aren't they? At the time, I merely said that, "I just start writing and the stories tumble out," which is true, but the questions got me thinking - well it does, doesn't it? They say that there's a book in everyone - is there? Do we believe that? It might very well be so, but that isn't saying that everyone can write a book. I'm not talking about the mechanical aspects of writing: words, sentences, paragraphs, spelling, punctuation and grammar, which incorporates style: point-of-view, tone, use of imagery and the multitude of choices that become the writer's style - their voice. I don't need to tell you that they're all a bit important. I'm not talking about the characters (who), plot (what), setting (where and when), theme (why) and style (how). The reason I'm not talking about any of those things is because you can learn all of them. I know, because I did. In fact, anybody can learn those things, and once you do - are you a writer? Here's my next book: The Enigma of Apocalypse Heights (Quigg 6). I know some people like a bit of Quigg! Anyway, as I was saying, does learning the rules of writing make you a writer? I would at this point refer you to leadership. I know, it's a bit of a yomp from writing, but not dissimilar - as you'll soon find out. If you learn how to be a leader, does that make you one? The boy at the back picking his nose . . . "Me, Sir?' "Yes, you Sir." "No, Sir." "Are you sure?" "Indubitably, Sir." There you go then. The proof is in the pudding. I used to teach and assess leadership skills, you know. I've had this conversation many times. You're either a leader or you're not - regardless of whether you've learnt the how. And I would say that the same goes for writing. You can either tell a story, or you can't. Jokes are the same thing. Some people can't tell a joke if their next meal depended on it. Can I tell a story? You'd have to ask my readers that question. Much in the same way as followers will tell you whether they're following a leader or not. Let's talk briefly about story structure. The first thing to clarify is: "What is story structure?" Simply put - BME - Beginning, Middle and End, which is easily illustrated by the story of The 3 Little Pigs above. Below is another diagram illustrating the structure of a story - Note that the climax is as close to the end as possible. Here's a few more diagrams to illustrate story structure:
So, here's the thing! I had a review the other week that suggested one of my books was "bad writing"! Now, I don't mind people having a different opinion from a significant majority of other people, but the person failed to expand on what she/he considered to be bad writing, and it got me thinking - well, it does, doesn't it! What is bad writing? What is good writing? "Ah, my boy," is the common response. "You'll know it when you see it!" Well, that's not very helpful, is it? That's my response to the common response. So anyway, having done a bit on statistics - not much, just a bit - I was reminded of the normal distribution (Gaussian distribution, bell curve). And for those who have no idea what it is - and I don't mean to teach people how to suck eggs - it's simply a visual representation of occurrences in a population (and the purists need not send a postcard explaining how my definition differs from the longwinded mathematical one). Let's take writers as a relevant example. If we get all the writers in the English-speaking world (we don't want any translators, editors, or publishers mixed in with our writers, do we?) and we grade them along a continuum with '0' in the middle and a positive score going left, and a negative score going right as follows: Now, let's apply this methodology to our group of writers - we've put them all in Greenland for the time being because there's some space available there and Greenland likes writers! So, we can now see that in the population of writers per se, there are very few good or bad writers, and even fewer 'very good or very bad writers'. The majority of writers group around the middle (mean) of the population - what was termed in the days of 'pre-ereader' publishing as a "mid-list author". Now, we should turn our thoughts to defining - if we can - what is a "good writer", and one assumes a "bad writer" will be at the other extreme of a range of continua.
If we look at what makes a good writer we find that: It depends on the audience who is going to read your drivel! Mmmm, that's not very helpful. Or is it? Maybe, the only measure of a good writer is for a reader to determine. How do readers identify a good writer? Sometimes, we're told who are good (or great) writers, such as: Stephen King, JK Rowling, Leo Tolstoy, JD Salinger, Ray Bradbury, JRR Tolkien, Mark Twain, but even great writers are not necessarily good writers all the time. For instance (and this isn't my list), Ulysses - James Joyce; Sons & Lovers - DH Lawrence; The Old Man and the Sea - Earnest Hemingway; Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy; Moby Dick - Melville . . . the list goes on. So, we are still left with "What is a good or bad writer?" I leave it up to the reader. If the bulk of my reviews were 1* or 2* I might think that I was a bad writer, but they're not. A few people obviously think I am a bad writer, but then I'm comforted by the fact that some people think JK Rowling, Steig Larsson, William Shakespear, and many others So, here's the thing! I've just published my new book. Yeah, it's that one on the left, as if you didn't know! Anyway, besides that, I read an interview with Stephen King in which he talks about opening lines. Hey, I've read about opening paragraphs, scenes and chapters, but opening lines! So, it got me thinking . . . Well, it does, doesn't it? If it's good enough for Steve, it's good enough for me. I had a look at my opening lines: A Life for a Life (Parish & Richards 1) The machine swallowed Greg Taylor’s day-return ticket to London. The Wages of Sin (Parish & Richards 2) ‘Right, Richards,’ Detective Inspector Jed Parish said as he pulled away from the kerb outside 38 Puck Road in Chigwell in his nearly four year old Ford Focus.‘ The Flesh is Weak (Parish & Richards 3) ‘Are you sure you don’t want to give this one to Kowalski and Gorman, Chief?' Footprints of the Dead (Tom Gabriel 1) Tom Gabriel poked the business end of the Smith & Wesson 686P six-inch 7-shot double-action revolver into the soft unshaven flesh beneath his jaw and pulled the trigger. Solomon's Key (Harte & KP 1) The woman’s breasts had been removed. The Breath of Life (Parish & Richards 6) ‘Breathe in, and hold...’ the antenatal midwife said. ‘Slowly breathing out.’ The Dead Know Not (Parish & Richards 7) He placed his Blackberry on the desk in front of Kowalski and said, ‘Listen.’ The Graves at Angel Brook (Quigg 3) ‘Shit, Duffy. Don’t you take contraceptives like normal twenty-one year olds?’ The House of Mourning (Parish & Richards 9) He’d heard about murderers being able to get hold of drugs, syringes, guns and all the other paraphernalia that was needed to be a proper murderer, but he didn’t have any of it. Through a Glass Darkly (Parish & Richards 10) Viktor eased the lever clockwise on top of the trephine. It had been many years since anybody had operated the contraption. "I don't know! What do you think, Toady?"
"Some of them are a bit bland, non-committal, boring . . ." "I don't think you need to get over-personal.' "Sorry, Boss - you did ask." "True, but let's keep things positive, shall we? Some of them are pretty damn good." "True. What did Steve say?" "He hasn't read my opening lines." "I find that hard to believe, Boss! I mean, everybody who's anybody has read your opening lines." "Have you read my opening lines, Toady?" "I'm nobody." "That's true. Steve said that teachers advise you to open a book in the middle of a dramatic or compelling situation." 'You can't tell that from your opening lines.' "No, but take the first one - Greg Taylor is walking to his death; and the second one - Richards is just about to describe an horrific murder." "Yeah, but I think Steve means you have to grab 'em by the . . ." "This is a family blog, Toady" "Sorry, Boss." "He says that it begins by voice - he thinks people choose a book because of the voice." "You've got a voice, Boss." "Is it a fingerprint? If people pick up one of my books would they know it was one of mine?" "I think they would. It'd have your name on the front." "Sometimes I wonder about you, Toady." "Thanks, Boss." "He says his favouritist first line is: "You've been here before." It's from Needful Things." "You've been here before?" "Yep." "If I'd been there before, why would I want to go again?" "I think we're done for today, Toady." "Right you are, Boss." So, here's the thing! Let's talk about typos - typographical errors. I mean - come on! Who's ever read a book without a typo? Answers on a postcard to . . . Is there such an animal? I've just finished a book by a well-known author and there was at least a baker's dozen of typos. So, if the traditionally published books are still riddled with typos - what hope for the rest of us? Yes, I know - proofread, proofread, proofread - and when you've done that, get someone else to proofread. Yep, done all of that, seen the DVD, wearing the T-shirt and yet . . . those typos still get through. Humans are just imperfect beings, this human most of all. But . . . at least my typos aren't featured HERE! I know, you're thinking: Who's that good-looking guy? Well, the wife has nearly finished my bust. She's thinking of throwing me out of bed and putting this on the pillow beside her instead, and who could blame her? Not I! Now, if you were wondering where my plot ideas come from - wonder no more. The wife has revealed my well-kept secret - I have a pole inside my head instead of a brain! As you can see, the pole is a space-saving device and leaves plenty of room for ideas to accumulate and mature like vintage cheese or wine! If you're interested in replacing your brain with one of these poles, please send another postcard to . . . Anyway, I've waffled enough for today, but my new book 'Through a Glass Darkly' (Parish & Richards 10) will be published in two weeks time. So, here's the thing! I have a new opportunity for someone who likes to live dangerously, push the envelope, teeter on the edge, balance on the rim . . . Anyway, I'm surprised no one has come up with the idea of a loaf of crusts! I don't know if you've peeked inside a loaf of bread lately, but it only has two crusts - one at either end! I know, how mean is that? Let me elaborate - I like to have two pieces of brown bread in the morning, but here's my dilemma - once I've eaten the first crust I have to wait nearly two weeks before I can have another one. Of course, I cheat a lot. Well, you'd expect it of me, wouldn't you? I give some of the middle slices to the birds - In fact, the birds where I live can hardly fly and because of all the roughage they eat, and they go to the toilet regularly as well. Also, I squeeze my hand over the last few slices and eat the second crust early - desperate times need desperate measures. Or as my wife is fond of saying, "Monkey see, monkey do!" So, what I'm saying is that someone should start a business selling "Sliced Crusts"! I can't be the only one who is a crust addict. My wife doesn't like crusts, which is probably a good job for her. Anyone who thinks they can steal my crusts and live to tell the tale needs their head examining. So, we have people who like crusts and people who don't like crusts - the answer seems obvious to me - sell loaves of sliced crusts and loaves of sliced bread. Now, the mechanics involved in this chicanery require a calculator and a waste bin. Let's work on a figure of 20 - can you imagine the joy of having two crusts every morning for ten days? I mean, that would be like having a birthday every day of the week. So, snaffle the crusts from 9 loaves, put the slices from those loaves in the other loaves, and anything left give to the birds, homeless shelters and so on. Now, I'm not setting a precedent here. Oh no! Let me take you back a few years and whisper the name "SPOG" in your lughole. You've never heard of it! Gott in Himmel! Where have been? Open a bag of Liquorice Allsorts and those liquorice jelly sweets are just the best - Well, someone had the bright idea of selling them separately, because people loved 'em - I loved 'em! And then there was those green triangular chocolates from Quality Street, so you wouldn't be alone in your endeavours. You might even do some market research first to see if there are more people out there like me - I bet there are! I bet the truth is out there! Now, you're probably wondering why I don't run with it, shoot the rapids, patent the whole concept and pitch it to the bread industry. Well, I'm writing! Hey, that's what I do. I'm not a bread entrepreneur. My days of tottering on the abyss are long gone - I do a lot of tottering, but I stay clear of the abyss because you never know what might crawl out and grab you! And talking of writing, I'm over half-way through the next Parish & Richards - Number 10: 'Through a Glass Darkly', which is due out during the last week of July. Hey, that's this month - gotta go, I've a book to finish! Love ya, hugs and kisses, blah!
So, here's the thing! I've been neglecting you, Toady my friend! The trouble is, once I get on that book-writing rollercoaster I'm like a man possessed! And the result of my demonic possession is on the left - The Gordian Knot (Stone & Randall 2). I know, you're saying about time. Well, say it no more - here it is! I begin - by taking tentative steps, and with no idea where the hell I'm going - and gradually, the fog obscuring the road ahead lifts a little. I can see the undulating hills, the ponds and meadows, hear the birds singing, the pot-bellied pigs snuffling in the undergrowth, but that's not all . . . there are maggot-riddled corpses hiding in the weeds by the river, psychopaths lurking behind the gravestones in the abandoned churchyard and . . . Anyway, let me update you on the wife's sterling efforts to chisel my handsomeness into a chunk of clay. Even as I write, it's sitting on top of a sideboard in a black plastic bag like a severed head waiting to be finished - it needs ears, it needs to look a bit more like Clint Eastwood and the bits of brain that are lying on the wooden base need to be put back! As you can see from the photographs below - which she keeps sending my by email - she's made significant progress. It looks nothing like me, but hey - a man can't have everything in life! So, here's the thing! My wife decided to do a bust of me. Fame at last, I thought. Well, you do, don't you? She goes to pottery on a Monday nights, and thought she'd try something a bit more adventerous than a pot. I had visions of something akin to a regal Caesar, maybe an intelligent-looking Albert Einstein, or a thoughtful Socrates. The first week, she came home and said she'd been sticking paper on a stick. Of course, I was suitably impressed. Well, you have to be, don't you? "Why?" I asked. "Busts aren't solid, you know." "Oh!" I said, fully convinced by her convincing argument. So, this week she came home with a couple of digital photographs of her progress thus far. Normally, when she arrives home, I make my weary way to bed, but she said, "No, no, let me show you what I've done." When she couldn't stop laughing I should have refused to look, of course, but well, you have to show support for the efforts of her indoors, don't you? The trouble is, I think I'm psychologically damaged now! I mean, I know people's perceptions differ, but is that really how she sees me? Anyway, I'm hoping that she'll finish torturing me soon. In the meantime, I have to go, because the nurse is here with my tablets! Hey! Have a nice day. |
AuthorHi, I'm Tim Ellis - I write a lot and I hope you enjoy what I write. Archives
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