I've kept the names of those who were involved in this shameful incident a closely-guarded secret all these years, but feel that the statute of limitations must have run out by now. And if they come for me - I'm not going down alone. There was Dave Needham (Neds) he was the ringleader; Andy Keeble; John Fletcher (Fletch); Paul Duffy; Stevie Barker; Chris (Joe) Brown; Pete Croft; Martin Rains and Mal . . . Come to think of it, I don't think I actually got involved in any of the scrumping. Yeah, that was it - I just watched. So, it was nothing to do with me, officer. You want me to do what? And I get immunity? Okay, it's a deal.
As I've said elsewhere on the site, school was a waste of time for me. We used to truant all the time. In fact, I can't recall going to school in the last year at all. There was also another member of the gang called Mal (I don't recall his last name), but he used to live in the house behind the shops on Wilmslow Road (see picture), which had a wooden shed at the bottom of the back garden. We spent many happy days squashed in Mal's shed when we should have been at school. It was in that shed where we discussed our plans for world domination and told our best jokes. Most of us smoked as well, and as there was no ventilation it was like an Opium den. I'm surprised any of us got out of there alive. I also recall getting blamed by Ned's parents for him wagging school. As if! He was the ringleader. I would never have done anything if he hadn't coerced me.
Neds passed his driving test and bought a mini. The thing I remember about that Mini was that it had a hole in the floor on the passenger side (or was it the driver's side?), so that if it rained your feet got wet. Pete Croft had a car as well - an Anglia. We all piled in it and went to Blackpool. There used to be a pub called 'Our Father's Moustache' there, which sold beer in 3-pint pots. Did we ever drink all that beer? I don't recall, but I don't think so!
We started a band, you know. What were we called? I have no idea, but we weren't very successful. I had a guitar (Oh yes! I was an accomplished musician) - it had one string. You've never heard music until you've heard 'Mony Mony' (apologies to Tommy James & the Shondells) played on a one-stringed guitar. Who were the other members of the band? I recall that Stevie Barker had a drum kit, so he must have been on drums. I don't recall who else was there. What I do remember is the police arriving. Well, we were practising in my mum and dad's front garden - I think they must have been out at the time. Anyway, one of the neighbours didn't appreciate our version of 'Mony Mony', and called the cops. We could have been contenders, our shot at the big time gone in an instant - I hope you're proud of yourself if you're reading this!
Did I mention my new book? Gott im Himmel! My memory is getting worse. Well, I've put the cover up at the top of this blog post with the link, so if you click on it . . . I think you know what will happen! Yep, the end of the world as we know it. And just so you don't come back later and say: "Hey, you never told us!" I'm telling you now. The next Parish & Richards book - No.15 Deceit is in the Heart will be out the first week of January 2015. Yeah, you're right - that's the cover up above! Oh, and hey! If I don't see you before:
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Hi, I'm Tim Ellis - I write a lot and I hope you enjoy what I write.