So, here's the thing! I know I haven't written a blog for awhile. And I also know that you've been getting the tremors, that your mouth goes dry at odd times, you toss and turn at night and wake up screaming my name, and you keep checking my blog every five minutes. These behavioural symptoms are manifestations of withdrawal - going cold turkey! I can only apologise, but I was all written out. Oh, I'm all right now, so don't go rushing round here to feel my pulse, or put a cold cloth on my sweating brow, or other demonstrations of affection - you know how I get all embarrassed when people say nice things about me!
Anyway, I know I've harped on about my American sales before, which have been fairly abysmal to say the least, but now they've ground to a halt. What's going on? Let's investigate this phenomenon, and get to the bottom of the murky issue. In the UK my sales are pretty good, but I've had no sales in the US of A for 3/4 days (and we won't talk about Amazon.de because I have no idea what's going on there! In fact, I'm clueless about a lot of things!)
Are all the Kindles broken over there in America? Has the satellite for the 3G wireless network run out of gas? Have all the American people decided to down Kindles and stop reading at the same time? Please feel free to chirp in at any time with a more rational scenario, or if you know the answer SHOUT IT OUT! (Cups hand to ear - hears nothing - no shouting, whispering, or muttering). Now, strangely enough, as soon as I wrote this - and I haven't even published it yet - my US sales started to creep up - is that spooky or what? Well, I did go on Kindleboards and make merry, so maybe that's the answer - making merry!
Another thing is, I don't do any promotional activity, but then if I did where would I do it? Well, that's not strictly true - I tweet now and again through Bookbuzzr, but I'm not a great believer in Twitter. I mean, a tweet only goes to the people who follow me, and all three of them would have to be glued to Twitter at the time that my tweet appeared for them to notice it. Now, the idea would be that one of those three people miraculously notice my tweet and retweet it, which then goes to their three followers, and one of those kind people re-retweets it - ad infinitum, so that the old lady in Alaska who's 105 with black whiskers on her chinny chin chin and has just got broadband in her igloo in the frozen wastes, reads the tweet, but decides she doesn't like crime, scifi, fantasy, or historical fiction and instead of downloading all of my 11 books she downloads one of Mel Comley's, or Stuart Land's, or Rick Murcer's books because they have better covers, blurbs, prices or, liking the look of Stuart Land's cat she rubs her tummy and says, "Yum, yum!"
So, there's my disjointed thoughts on the matter! But anyway, here's another thing! I've just created a new website! You're thinking, "Wow! Something else of his to read - can't wait!" What I've noticed is that my fantastic fantasy book Orc Quest: Prophecy isn't selling - I know, you're thinking, "How can that be when he writes so well?" Well, I can assure you it's true, so I thought I'd give it a website as a present. I haven't put anything on there yet, so be patient. I've just been choosing the design, creating pages, and generally messing about, but tomorrow - tomorrow I'm gonna do it!
Out of the many books you've written, why choose this one to give a website to? I hear you ask. Well, I just had so much fun writing it. Let me tell you a bit about it: The main character is an Orc. Now, Orcs are usually the baddies (think Lord of the Rings), so I thought let's make one a goodie. Grog - that's his name - quakes in fear when he's fighting some Ogres and fails his passage to adulthood (Hey, there's a lesson in there somewhere!) So, the Council of Elders banish him from the Bloodwolf clan - uh oh, what's he gonna do now? Well, his father tells him about a human beyond the Veil of Mists who knows witchery - the trouble is, there haven't been any humans on Garagol since anyone can remember because the Orcs hunted and ate them all (and wouldn't you know it, the Veil of Mists is at the other end of Garagol that is swathed in mist), but if he wants to be a true Bloodwolf warrior he must get back his courage. So begins his quest, but that's not the end of it... I could tell you about his friends and his adversaries such as the baby Dragon called Mimeo, or about Alfick the grumpy Dwarf, and then there's Nub the sneaky Goblin... It's chock-full of memorable characters and places like the Tunnels of Skygge, the Hall of Secrets, the Necropolis of Lost Souls, the Isle of Charon... And don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just for young adults, this book is bursting with humour. If you like my blogs, you'll want to cuddle this book and take it to bed - well, your Kindle anyway! That's it! If you don't love my book then you're not human!
Hi, I'm Tim Ellis - I write a lot and I hope you enjoy what I write.