So, here's the thing! Keeping this damned website relevant - as Simon Cowell says - is a full-time job. I was tinkering around with it most of yesterday - so who needs to write for a living when you can muck about with jpgs, html code, create and publish new pages, and so many other wonderful webmaster things?
Anyway, I thought I'd cobble together a blog although I've got absolutely nothing to say. I sold 1,399 books in June - thank you to all those wonderful people who bought one or more of my books - I'm filling up with plumptiousness.
A Life for a Life keeps slipping and sliding between 3 and 5 in the Police Procedural charts, and still bubbling outside the Kindle Top 100 - I wish it would make up its damned mind and put me out of my misery!
I haven't told you about my wife's Japanese Maple (we think) and all the things she keeps hanging on it, have I? Well, I'm gonna spill the beans now! It all started with a couple of candle lights, then fat balls and half-coconuts for the poor starving birds, and then some yellow plant pots, and today she's got some yellow buckets and a yellow watering can (she's got a thing about yellow!) The birds come from miles around for the bread, the birdseed, the mealworm, and to laugh at the things on the dangly tree! I'm beginning to wonder whether the wife has got one of those strange diseases that affect beautiful twenty-one year-old women - I hope its not catching!
So, let's get back to my favourite subject - me! I'm getting up early tomorrow morning. Well no, that's not strictly true, I always get up early, but instead of writing my thousand words I'm gonna sell all my books at a car boot sale and sellers have to be there by 6 a.m. I know, there's some crazy people about! And... you're wondering 1) What books?; and 2) How many books has he got? You're confused, Toady! I'm not talking about the books I write, you know - Oh no, no, no! I'm talking about all those useless factual books on psychology, sociology, management, business, theory, research, philosophy, quality, and... I'm sure you get my drift. When I was doing my Masters degrees and my Doctorate I collected books to read, to cite, to appear intelligent. But anyway, I don't want them now because I'm retired. Also, I've given up reading factual books unless its research for a book I'm writing, and they were clogging up my garage, so I'm gonna sell them at a car boot sale for a £1 each - I must have about 500+ of the damn things and now they're weighing down my car ready to go in the morning!
That's a picture of one of my five dogs called Buddy. I'm sure you've guessed, put your hand up to your mouth in shock and horror, and screamed "He won't be doing Sample Sunday!" Well, that's where you're wrong, Toady. Through the magic of technology I've scheduled about 24 (or so) tweets every half-hour from 0905 until about 1935 hours - my usual #SampleSunday tweets plus lots of others. I've created tweets so that people can sample the beginnings of all my 11 books, and put up two new pieces of work. The start of a crime novel called The Removal Man about a man that takes children from their homes, and the beginning of a thriller called The Gates of Hell about a team of archeologists that find the gates to hell in the Negev Desert. I outlined this book over two years ago! I need two clones! How much do you think two clones would cost me? Now, I don't want uppity clones like me, just brilliant writer clones to write my books and then get back into the closet!
Now, I know what you're thinking - you're wondering how I'm gonna retweet yours if you retweet mine. Am I right, or am I right? Well, I'm gonna be back from making me fortune Gov'nr at about 3 o'clock (1500 hours to us military types) and after I've counted all me money I'll be retweeting as if the Devil were burnin' my butt, Mabel, so don't you go frettin' none.
Hi, I'm Tim Ellis - I write a lot and I hope you enjoy what I write.